It aint about you though mom and yes I said "aint." Your
daughter is not you. Yes, what you went through growing up led us to where we
are, but times are different now. She is different and we can be better because
of the pain you endured. So, when your daughter comes to you and says I have a problem, think twice before speaking and don't
say, are you doing this because of me, are you in trouble and in pain because of
me all I done for you, do you know what I went through growing up I
worked while my mom didn’t know I existed, I had it hard or maybe not that dramatic, but you get the picture. Its the "me" syndrome. Lets not make her issue about us and lose the moment of open dialogue or just you listening and her sharing for once make it about her and not get so upset because this moment could be an interruption in your perfect world or could it be a mistake or bad choice and you think how could she. Well I tell you mom it aint about you. She is your
daughter and not you. Yes you were young once and this is your alma mater and you want her to attend. You wore those fashions that are back in style now and she should, but allow her to experience life and be a direct expression of her individual person; yes with your DNA and her fingerprint; indeed its a match, yet not the same. Teach, lead by example, and love, by allowing her to show you she was listening all of those years that you taught her.
When you place the focus solely on yourself you give your daughter the extra pressure of living up to your expectation and thinking what would mom do instead of what do I do and form her own decision by what you have taught her. Allow your daughter to be who she is and form her own identity and validate that. Many of us as as women are still doing clean up from damage done to us or by us way back when, because of the struggle with the illusion of not being perfect, perceptions of not being enough, and the expectations to be all things to everybody. We can just let go by acknowledging where we are and declaring that there are no perfect people yet we mature to be better humans. We can declare "I am enough" by learning to see what we can do and grow in that instead of focusing on barriers and limitations. We can declare that "I will" revisit my expectation of myself and that of others by raising my standard of living and knowing that I have the power to say no and the responsibility to make better choices and live my best life for myself. You see to become a better version of ourselves is not to slight anyone but in fact it sends a message that mothers rock, because of the seed mom placed in us through life. Mothers realize that after a seed breaks through the ground it goes through all of the elements on its own even though there are other plants and living organisms all around until the beautiful plant, tree or flower blooms there is an individual process of growth. Truth is I'm a daughter and a mother to a beautiful daughter and somethings that she's said to me comes to mind such as mom I don't like that I like this, mom I did finish it as you said but I did it this way and no one was hurt, and mom let me do it. A message to mothers from the heart of a daughter today is "let me grow' You cannot change yesterday, but you can make it a better day by accepting responsibility for your life today. Be intentional about helping yourself so that you may allow your daughters to live their best life. Believe her life will be better than your worst and best days because she has her purpose, heart and your tools for living that you gave. Now watch her grow.
When you place the focus solely on yourself you give your daughter the extra pressure of living up to your expectation and thinking what would mom do instead of what do I do and form her own decision by what you have taught her. Allow your daughter to be who she is and form her own identity and validate that. Many of us as as women are still doing clean up from damage done to us or by us way back when, because of the struggle with the illusion of not being perfect, perceptions of not being enough, and the expectations to be all things to everybody. We can just let go by acknowledging where we are and declaring that there are no perfect people yet we mature to be better humans. We can declare "I am enough" by learning to see what we can do and grow in that instead of focusing on barriers and limitations. We can declare that "I will" revisit my expectation of myself and that of others by raising my standard of living and knowing that I have the power to say no and the responsibility to make better choices and live my best life for myself. You see to become a better version of ourselves is not to slight anyone but in fact it sends a message that mothers rock, because of the seed mom placed in us through life. Mothers realize that after a seed breaks through the ground it goes through all of the elements on its own even though there are other plants and living organisms all around until the beautiful plant, tree or flower blooms there is an individual process of growth. Truth is I'm a daughter and a mother to a beautiful daughter and somethings that she's said to me comes to mind such as mom I don't like that I like this, mom I did finish it as you said but I did it this way and no one was hurt, and mom let me do it. A message to mothers from the heart of a daughter today is "let me grow' You cannot change yesterday, but you can make it a better day by accepting responsibility for your life today. Be intentional about helping yourself so that you may allow your daughters to live their best life. Believe her life will be better than your worst and best days because she has her purpose, heart and your tools for living that you gave. Now watch her grow.
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